Difficult Mom

Q: I don’t have a good relationship with my mom. All she does is nag and criticize.  It’s hard to talk to her without getting into an argument. It seems like everything I do is wrong or just not good enough. What can I do to make her understand and love me the way I am? I know the Bible says to honor your mother, but she really makes it hard sometimes.

Steven: Sin will strain every relationship at some point, be it between coworkers, friends, spouses, siblings or parents and their children. With parents and children, it can go both ways. Children can cause problems for parents, and parents can cause problems for children (Ephesians 6:4). The only one who won’t strain their relationship with us is God the father. Regular study of the Bible shows us how we should behave, and we can compare what God says to what our parents say. If what they say is in accordance with scripture, then they are right, even if they don’t deliver the message perfectly. If what they say is not forbidden or commanded by scripture, then it is likely proper to follow their guidelines on the matter as the way to honor them. If what they say goes against God’s word, then we have to obey God rather than men (Acts 5:29).

Another thing to consider is that people are different and communication is often a problem in every relationship. Perhaps the way your mother shows love is not the way you receive love. She might think that calling you out or reminding you of things to the point of criticizing and nagging is a way to show that she loves you. When in doubt, it doesn’t hurt to put the best construction on things, as Luther advises in his commentary on the eighth commandment.

With Mother’s Day coming up, it might be a good time to take your mom out for coffee and talk about these things. Be constructive and don’t condemn her. Pray that God will be your mouthpiece as you discuss things and see how it goes. That’s all we can do on a lot of things: pray, do the work and see what fruit develops. God is always ready to help with any problem, regardless.  I hope your relationship with your mom will get better, stronger and deeper.

More insights on Parents can be found on Chapter 5 of God Is Your Roommate.

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. ~ Exodus 20:12 (NKJV)